Importance of being dumb - oh science...

Taking break from student horror stories for a minute I recently came across an interesting article, which I have linked at the bottom (free access) for those that are interested.  The gist of the article, which we will go into more detail about in a moment, refers to the need of stupidity in graduate school and to be successful in science.  I had an interesting applied moment when I read this in light of my graduate career so far.  I remember reading an opinion paper (which I cannot find now for the life of me) in a journal that talked about how being in graduate school makes you feel stupid, even though being in school means to some degree you are pretty darn smart.  Recently, with my comps (ideally) looming next semester I've heard more than a few talk about the need for absolute humility while taking the oral component - in short explain what you know while never appearing as though you think you know everything.  Let's discuss.

First off, graduate school does make you feel stupid.  Part of this level of education is not taking regular classes but having them as seminar or discussion - to integrate advanced topics and reasoning.  Prepare as you will, the professor will always lead the discussion in a way that you never thought of and there's always someone else that says something profound (well, it's not always actually profound, but you're little brain makes it feel that way).  You'll find yourself scrambling to write down every word and still walking away only half following what the hell just happened.  This mixes very interestingly with the societal pressure to cut the tall weeds (aka it is often socially unacceptable to be the really really smart one) and the academic pressure to weed out the scrubs (aka figure out who really doesn't know much).  Most new students are too afraid to say anything, afraid to sound stupid or to come across like they are "attacking" another idea.  So you sit, smile, and nod your head.



Of course, this doesn't last.  Here in my 3rd year of my PhD I find myself participating more often, especially in classes or seminars with a large proportion of graduate students.  Still keep pretty pursed lips though in large scale settings with lots of faculty.  I'm not really a shy person, but what do you do?  Just try.

Now onto the comps piece.  We talked a little bit about this before but for the conversation to continue we all need to be on the same page.  For a PhD student, the only way to move from "student" to "candidate" (aka even be considered for grants or graduation) is to take comprehensive exams.  This differ from department to department and school to school.  Usually there's a mixture of written and oral exams.  Some use a mock grant proposal and defense.  Others use large scale tests.  My department has a week of essay papers for the written.  Each day a different committee member (minimum of 5, and trust me that's ALL you need) will send you a set of questions each day.  They will require you to produce facts from papers you have read as well as extrapolate and apply them to the questions.  Assuming you pass these there is a day of orals, whereby you sit in front of your committee and for 4-6 hours they verbally ask you questions.




Okay, enough on that drama for now.  I am more than sure as they approach and I sink in deep for survival there will be more on that.  The point of that conversation is to move it further.  Another student in the department (with another adviser) was telling me horror stories of her first failure and her second try (you only get 2) in which she passed.  She told me one of the biggest differences was attitude.  She's a smart cookie and going into her first one felt confident.  Responding to this her committee became very aggressive and would outwardly tell her that they didn't like whatever thought process she had followed to get to an answer, even if it wasn't technically wrong.  Afterwards her adviser berated her for her performance, leading her to almost quit.



Thankfully she didn't quit and when she tried again she went in with her head down.  She was still able to think through answers but by being less confident she got more positive responses and received much less aggression from her committee (plus she passed).  Now take any story with a grain of salt but it seems to me that part of the point of comprehensive exams is to show you how much you DON'T know (or can't know YET) and look for you to show signs of humility and "absolute" stupidity.  Keeping in mind of course that these exams also look for you to prove you do know the basics in your field and would be a respectable representation of it (not "relatively" stupid).

This brings us to the paper I mentioned at the beginning of this conversation.  The author actually teases at my assessment above, stating if a student is able to answer all the questions posed to the fullest it is the committee that failed the exam.  By that feeling of absolute stupidity it pushes us to question and inquire, to keep moving beyond the bounds of current knowledge to learn and regain the feeling of shock and awe at the complexity of the universe.  If we ever feel like we know anything, then we stop learning and stunt the learning of those around us.  In the universe of science, you shouldn't feel like you know what you're doing because that's what leads to the big discoveries.  So feel absolutely stupid but know that you're not relatively stupid.  You know a lot, but you can't know everything!

Check out the article.  It's a well written essay that is easy to follow, even if you don't get into science itself per se.

Swartz, M.A. 2008. The importance of stupidity in scientific research. Journal of Cell Science 121: 1771.
http://jcs.biologists.org/content/121/11/1771.full.pdf+html-

Let me know what you think or share related experiences.  Your story can only lead to inform others coming through and make those who have felt it feel less alone.


"Do not be afraid of defeat. you are never so near victory as when defeated in a good cause" Henry Ward Beecher

TA: above my pay scale II

Alright, as promised some more stories.  These little ditties probably rate as the most astonishing and brazen students I've ever had.  Step out into the bathroom and recollect yourself between classes kind.  My advice for all of these situations? P p p poker face p p p poker face.  NEVER let a student know they've gotten to you, even if you have to be stern to get them to behave.  To a naughty student, your emotional reaction is winning and will likely feed them to do it again.  Same goes when you get goofy answers or excuses, practice your stock teacher face.  It's your best weapon.




My first semester teaching I noticed that I was having a huge attendance drop off after the mini lecture portion (aka not looking at the lab materials).  It's hard with college students since you have a little less power (but should be able to assume some degree of maturity).  Below are a list of reasons I've heard to miss class or tests.  This is through all my years but after my first semester I learned to kill that down to a much smaller proportion.

1. Student A told me he needed to get out of class early because his buddies were doing a weightlifting group.  I felt like I didn't need to say no, that is NOT even REMOTELY an appropriate reason to miss class.
2. Student B scheduled his dentist appointment over class.  When he asked to leave after only 30 min of class I asked how bad his teeth hurt. He said they didn't, it was just routine. Poker face. I told him that that will be unexcused since he opted to do it over class. Seriously?
3. Email 2 hours before the exam. Student asked to take the test in a later section of the week because he'd been busy with other classes and didn't have a chance to study.  Now I actually am very sympathetic to this concept and if a student comes to me before a test and says that a day is overloaded I'm happy to let them bump, it's all the same to me. But right before the test? Really?  Surely you jest.
4. Another student emailed me the day before the test, saying she'd had some away tournament and had been gone all weekend, therefore unable to study.  Now admittedly, I'm very UNsympathetic to this.  If you're paying to go to school to better yourself, school should come first .  Emergencies aside. I always hated being paired with these people in school.  That job is going to be costly when you have to retake courses and double your overall tuition spent because you were trying to get a couple extra bucks.  I worked through college, I get it.  But I also actually went to college.  In addition I had a student that was paying her own way through college and worked 40 hours every weekend and NEVER asked for an extension.  Given all that, I'm sure you can imagine what my response was.  She should have studied during the week or on the bus.
5. Noticed a student packing up his things after my talk was over. When I asked him what he was doing he told me he had all the materials. I told him he didn't even do the lab. He responded by saying that the class was completely optional. P p p poker face.  I told him that class was certainly not optional.  I did make a big mistake here though. About 20 minutes later I look up and don't see him. I asked out loud if he had decided to leave. Timid yes' and much quiet followed.  Yeah, that was definitely inappropriate of me.  Poker face fail.  

And the piece de resistance, the 3 worst situations I've faced.

1. For the first paper homework in one of my classes I noticed a rampant amount of textbook copying and plagarism.  I talked to the LC and got the okay to allow them to do rewrites.  I sent out an email explaining the situation.  I said if they wanted they could rewrite any questions that fit the bill and write 1 paragraph on defining plagarism and get any/all credit back.  If not, they would receive the grade from what they had already turned it.  HEAVEN ALMIGHTY!!!  You would not believe the angry emails I received, telling me what a hard a$$ I was being and that it wasn't fair they had to do rewrites over their spring break. Now bear in mind that I had to continuously grade through this whole period and it was optional. Moreover, they wanted to be told which questions were bad and worth rewriting, like it would be no time drain for my to grade, hand back, and regrade (and defeat the entire purpose of the exercise in the first place).  Besides, realistically you know if you copied text from somewhere, you're just looking to see if I noticed... I actually had a student tell me he didn't have time for this $h**.  I wanted to scream TAKE THE EFFIN ZERO THEN IT'S LESS WORK FOR ME!  It's not my fault that either they were lazy or their previous courses had failed them.  "No good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresented!"  I made a handout that I give out now BEFORE, defining it and giving examples of good answers and plagarism/copying.  NEVER AGAIN!! 
2. While grading a homework, I found 3 girls' answers to be all the same.  Now, it's always funny how much students think we DON'T notice this, but usually it's really freakin' obvious.  We read all the answers back to back AND we have the same textbook you do. Put on your try face.  Now this was particularly obvious because the answer made no sense whatsoever.  I had no idea what they were talking about and was pretty sure one of them spent too much time in the thesaurus (they think they're clever, like we have no vocab...).  When confronted, two of the girls admitted they were roommates (LEAST FAVORITE THING).  They took the zeros.  The other came in and said she had asked for help from the other two but had rewritten it.  So I asked her to explain it.. She balked and admitted she just copying the answer from a facebook message (DAMN YOU FACEBOOK!).  She said, I quote "I guess I should understand an answer before I write it down huh?"  Oh honey, I don't even think you understand the depth of this mistake...
3. I gave a pop quiz in my lab based on a reading their lecture professor assigned.  A quick 5 question quiz, general enough to just see if they even opened the book.  Now I actually don't believe in pop quizzes, and understand the panic and groans that ensued.  Luckily for them the quiz was extra credit, which they found out afterwards.  This method works well, you're like a hero.  Well almost always, one student that I would normally call a very good student apparently found the situation particularly frustrating.  In red pen down the front of the quiz he wrote, "I don't know and I don't f****** care."  Of course, he used the actual expletive.  Needless to say I was stunned.  I took it to the LC who told me there wasn't anything I could do about it but give a zero, which on extra credit really isn't a punishment in my opinion.  The kid was super docile after I handed it back.  Still, I will never forget it.

Next week I think I'll lighten the mood.  I have some good stories too.  And I'll have done some regrading so I see a "stupid things kids write" section coming soon too!  Stay tuned and please leave comments!!

"Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret." Laurence J. Peter

Applying to graduate school-The real journey begins

Step 5. Before moving to your new school.  This is going to sound lame, but seriously spend a lot of time at home.  I don't mean that dumpy little apartment that your trainer friend throws parties in (wherein you vomit off the back balcony as you recall from the previous post...) but your home home.  Mom, dad, little brother or what have you.  This may be the last time you get a chance to be a child and live free.  Things get expensive and very self-sufficient from here on out and you don't get whole summers and winter breaks off anymore.  Enjoy the babying while it lasts, trust me.



Now, if you've been following the timeline, you will likely spend 5-6 months preparing and applying for grad school, 2-5 months sweating for results, over $300 in expenses directly related to said applications (of course this doesn't include the running naked in the street bail money), and $? in moving expenses.  Not a process for the weak.  Loads of benefits, but not an easy path in life to take.

Since at this stage, you are heading towards or have finished your undergrad, here's a nice little tip list to keep your head on straight.  Basically, stop panicking because it really ISN'T a big deal and don't go through life being an entitled douche-bag.  See how politicians and political analysts act on tv?  Don't be them.  Unless you are going into that field, in which case douche-it-up because that's the only field that really pays in...
http://jezebel.com/5910701/congrats-new-grads-by-the-way-you-dont-know-anything

Before you panic and jump off the academic bus (or cliff, depends on your level of drama) remember, if you're even considering applying to grad school you obviously have an incredible amount of love and interest for what you do.  Good things in life never come easy and remember my first post-there are still a lot of fun perks that come from the process, and of course that papery degree thingy at the end that allows you to lead and do what you want in your field.  That's pretty great to.

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new" Albert Einstein

Introduction

Not surprisingly I am a graduate student.  In the midst of my second year as a PhD student actually.  A little nobody in the big world of academia as it were.  But more on that later.  I got the idea for this blog from a class and some students of mine.  In the class we were discussing how scientists, as an overgeneralized whole, do not use new media like they should.  There can be great potential.  It had also come to my attention that many of my students were curious about academia, grad school, and beyond.  I also had a student from another university (with the intent of communicating with my advisor) contact me with a flutter of questions.  In all cases, I'm happy to oblige but I found myself reminiscing on what I went through when I was at that stage.  Terrified, confused, and oh so painfully naive.  I began thinking that there are precious few places in which academics can really go to ask questions and relate to one another on what goes on beyond the lobby doors.  Given the potential (and perhaps my naive dreaming that many will read this) for other scientists to follow me, I thought it would be a fantastic way to express and communicate scientific ideas and concepts at a scale well beyond anything I can do from my office, on a regular day at least. So, those are my goals with this blog 1) Present real life experiences in a way that others can learn from or relate to 2) Present real science (whatever that means I guess) and hopefully discuss and communicate with the scientific community as a whole (regardless of where or where not you are in your career).

Now, for the nitty gritty pieces.  It behooves me to say that whatever I say in here, though true to my beliefs and experiences, is not necessarily true in all circumstances.  The first thing I would always remind you is that every person, every advisor, lab tech, undergrad, grad, mentor, and mentee is different and will thereby foster different relationships.  You're welcome to take my experiences as advice (as they apply of course) but the best advice I could give here is "Adaptive Management."  Adjust to your surroundings and be flexible in the way you deal with things.  More flexibility will give you more bounce after all.  The second thing I want to say is I will be taking this semi-anonymously.  By that I mean I will be referring to real people, and some with very real academic careers.  Therefore you will not find any real names or places in this blog.  This will allow me to be more honest about the situation without worrying about hurting someone else in the process.  I'll make up names (likely to fill my fantasy void of stereotypic behaviors...) and places (my lab is actually divided into video game realms afterall) but the events themselves will be quite real.  And lastly, be sure to comment and discuss!  I love to see what others think and will be happy to do a topic based on what people want (need?) to hear.  So be heard!

For the posts I do put up, be patient.  They're disorganization may kill me since it'll be a mixture of things I experience now and some back experiences (plenty of those) I will refer to.  The chronology will be miserable.  More reason to request topics than to sift through my insane flow of thought ya?

Now, onto the more personal and the more fun.  As I mentioned before, I'm a grad student.  A second year PhD student with a long way to go.  I completed a 2 year Master's under another advisor in a semi-related field.  And obviously I have my BS.  I'm one of those crazies that has went straight through from undergraduate (standard college, 2-4 years) to my MS and now into my PhD.  It's one of those good/bad things.  I'm a female in my mid-late 20s.  My modest stipend allows me a little 2 bedroom apartment where I hide with my 8 year old blue russian cat and my partner.  My partner makes a particularly interesting person to vent too since he's a teacher (math if you can believe the insanity) so he relates to and sees things in a very particular light.  More on him later, often and regularly I'm sure.

At my school a PhD student makes around $20,000 a year (for reference equivalent of a McDonald's worker and a little less than a good construction worker).  The school covers your tuition credits up to 9 credits (keeping in mind 6 is full time for a grad-we put in more credit hours for one credit and have to work a full job within the U on top of that) and half of your forced student health insurance (more on that travesty later...).  You cover the other half of your insurance and the student fees.  Oh and living, if you can manage the whole being human thing of course :)  .  If you're like me and have some painful back bills from moving halfway across the country and refuse to live in a hovel with slanted floors you probably will take out student loans too.  I usually get ~12-14,000 a year, which breaks down into about $5000 a semester that I actually see, most of which is gone in a month or two paying of bills I'm behind on and honestly from getting excited from having spending money and, well, spending it.  If you're smart (and not like me) you'll save up chunks of this all year long since you'll be a lucky ducky to get paid in the summer.  If you're like me you like ramen and phone calls to mom.  You do get other perks though.  The whole learning thing of course, and pretty much free reign in the library (access to all kinds of stuff that I don't even know why they HAVE, but is cool anyway).  Finding an apartment is much easier, landlords respond really well to grad students as we tend to be quieter, have fairly steady income, and will be around for a couple of years.  And it's true, I'm definitely too old to be throwing up liquor 3 times a week over a balcony or what have you.  Besides, if the grad school will give you free beer, no reason to binge on it, enjoy the freebies. I get to travel lots of places too.  With part of my job being a field scientist I get to go in the field.  Basically get paid to boat on a lake, spend time in a national park, and put up and experiment on a coastline beach.  You get to go places to present your material too, to conferences.  Some in other cities, some in other countries and if you're good your school will give you money to do it.  Not a bad gig if you ask me.  Grad students can get really good freebies from the U.  Food, beer, game nights, bar discounts, ask and you shall receive sometimes.  Other times, as a close friend of mine would say, you drink away your grad school stress alone in lawnchair and spend all night drunkenly knitting under a dead tree.  Meh, it's a give and take world.

Those are my basics and for now that seems like a good start since I have no idea what I'm doing.  I'll sign off this first post with my favorite dorky quote. "My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe." Stephen Hawking