Importance of being dumb - oh science...

Taking break from student horror stories for a minute I recently came across an interesting article, which I have linked at the bottom (free access) for those that are interested.  The gist of the article, which we will go into more detail about in a moment, refers to the need of stupidity in graduate school and to be successful in science.  I had an interesting applied moment when I read this in light of my graduate career so far.  I remember reading an opinion paper (which I cannot find now for the life of me) in a journal that talked about how being in graduate school makes you feel stupid, even though being in school means to some degree you are pretty darn smart.  Recently, with my comps (ideally) looming next semester I've heard more than a few talk about the need for absolute humility while taking the oral component - in short explain what you know while never appearing as though you think you know everything.  Let's discuss.

First off, graduate school does make you feel stupid.  Part of this level of education is not taking regular classes but having them as seminar or discussion - to integrate advanced topics and reasoning.  Prepare as you will, the professor will always lead the discussion in a way that you never thought of and there's always someone else that says something profound (well, it's not always actually profound, but you're little brain makes it feel that way).  You'll find yourself scrambling to write down every word and still walking away only half following what the hell just happened.  This mixes very interestingly with the societal pressure to cut the tall weeds (aka it is often socially unacceptable to be the really really smart one) and the academic pressure to weed out the scrubs (aka figure out who really doesn't know much).  Most new students are too afraid to say anything, afraid to sound stupid or to come across like they are "attacking" another idea.  So you sit, smile, and nod your head.



Of course, this doesn't last.  Here in my 3rd year of my PhD I find myself participating more often, especially in classes or seminars with a large proportion of graduate students.  Still keep pretty pursed lips though in large scale settings with lots of faculty.  I'm not really a shy person, but what do you do?  Just try.

Now onto the comps piece.  We talked a little bit about this before but for the conversation to continue we all need to be on the same page.  For a PhD student, the only way to move from "student" to "candidate" (aka even be considered for grants or graduation) is to take comprehensive exams.  This differ from department to department and school to school.  Usually there's a mixture of written and oral exams.  Some use a mock grant proposal and defense.  Others use large scale tests.  My department has a week of essay papers for the written.  Each day a different committee member (minimum of 5, and trust me that's ALL you need) will send you a set of questions each day.  They will require you to produce facts from papers you have read as well as extrapolate and apply them to the questions.  Assuming you pass these there is a day of orals, whereby you sit in front of your committee and for 4-6 hours they verbally ask you questions.




Okay, enough on that drama for now.  I am more than sure as they approach and I sink in deep for survival there will be more on that.  The point of that conversation is to move it further.  Another student in the department (with another adviser) was telling me horror stories of her first failure and her second try (you only get 2) in which she passed.  She told me one of the biggest differences was attitude.  She's a smart cookie and going into her first one felt confident.  Responding to this her committee became very aggressive and would outwardly tell her that they didn't like whatever thought process she had followed to get to an answer, even if it wasn't technically wrong.  Afterwards her adviser berated her for her performance, leading her to almost quit.



Thankfully she didn't quit and when she tried again she went in with her head down.  She was still able to think through answers but by being less confident she got more positive responses and received much less aggression from her committee (plus she passed).  Now take any story with a grain of salt but it seems to me that part of the point of comprehensive exams is to show you how much you DON'T know (or can't know YET) and look for you to show signs of humility and "absolute" stupidity.  Keeping in mind of course that these exams also look for you to prove you do know the basics in your field and would be a respectable representation of it (not "relatively" stupid).

This brings us to the paper I mentioned at the beginning of this conversation.  The author actually teases at my assessment above, stating if a student is able to answer all the questions posed to the fullest it is the committee that failed the exam.  By that feeling of absolute stupidity it pushes us to question and inquire, to keep moving beyond the bounds of current knowledge to learn and regain the feeling of shock and awe at the complexity of the universe.  If we ever feel like we know anything, then we stop learning and stunt the learning of those around us.  In the universe of science, you shouldn't feel like you know what you're doing because that's what leads to the big discoveries.  So feel absolutely stupid but know that you're not relatively stupid.  You know a lot, but you can't know everything!

Check out the article.  It's a well written essay that is easy to follow, even if you don't get into science itself per se.

Swartz, M.A. 2008. The importance of stupidity in scientific research. Journal of Cell Science 121: 1771.
http://jcs.biologists.org/content/121/11/1771.full.pdf+html-

Let me know what you think or share related experiences.  Your story can only lead to inform others coming through and make those who have felt it feel less alone.


"Do not be afraid of defeat. you are never so near victory as when defeated in a good cause" Henry Ward Beecher

Applying to graduate school-Applying to sell your soul

Now that we've gotten all the prep work out of the way, let's talk about what happens during the actual process.

Step 3. Actually applying to said graduate schools.  SchoolSSSS, meaning more than one.  Never put all your eggs in one basket.  On the upside, the applications usually all want the same thing.  General information, upload your UPDATED resume, and some essays.  The essays are basically all the same and are another step of prostituting out your skills.  It's always, explain how you would benefit from education at this institution blah blah.  Honestly, look at the essays first on these apps and write out responses in word files that you can copy and paste from later.  Use spell check.  And make sure that when you use the same essay for different schools you still personalize parts for each university within the essay.  AND BE CAREFUL TO CHANGE OUT SAID NAMES AND STATEMENTS FOR EACH!  You will be doomed if you make that faux pas.  The other major requirement is the letters of recommendation, usually from 3 professionals you know.  Again, do not ask your supervisor at Macy's.  Professors and teaching assistants (labs, small classes) that you had a particularly good relationship with make the best recommendations.  The same goes for any supervisors on relevant internships you have had.  Make sure 1) that you did well in their class (B or up) and 2) you had a good attitude while in class.  I have definitely had students ask for letters of recommendation that got C's or in my notes (yes, your teachers keep notes on your behavior if they know you or the class is below 30 students) it will say "leaves early" "snippy" "disinterested and refuses to discuss class information."



Don't ask!  I'm usually gentle, the few times I've said no I'll fib a little "I'm very overloaded with work right now and don't feel I could give you an accurate representation" or "I'm sure there are other classes with would be far more beneficial to your endeavor than mine."  Heads up though, others are not always so friendly so be very careful how you choose them.  Moreover, think about what field you're going into.  It helps if you have more letters from that or similar fields than your yoga instructor and meditation course.  The final kicker here is getting your transcript sent.  You need to send 1 (sometimes 2, though why any place needs 2 official board copies I don't know...) to each school.  Subsequently, when you are accepted you will need to send the final transcript (aka post-graduation showing your degree earned) as well.  These babies run about $8 a pop, not a big deal until for 4 schools you realize you need to send 7 transcripts.  Don't let it take you by surprise.

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." Aristotle

Applying to graduate school-Academic debris

Step 2 in our multi-part pathway, taking your graduate school exams...

Step 2. The GRE (Great Ridiculous Excess, aka Graduate Record Exam).  Taking this test once will run you about $250 (at least it did back when I took it) and the scores are good for about 2 years.  So take this seriously, you don't want to go through it twice, for multiple reasons.  Technically, the are two forms of this test.  If you're lucky, you only have to take the general test.  Some schools will also make you take the subject test (generalized-biology, mathematics, physics, etc).  Keep that in mind in thinking about the cross between what schools you want to go to and what tests you need to take.  I'm quite convinced the GRE is designed to prove that you know nothing about a bunch of menial material (similar to comps, which prove you know nothing about really important things related to your field-more on this on a later post).  My advice, just get the little Kaplan book with practice tests (http://www.amazon.com/New-2011-2012-Premier-CD-ROM-Kaplan/dp/1607148498) and 7th grade breakdown of all the major material.  Take a practice test.  Relearn 7th grade math and word association.  Panic about the number of vocab words on the list that you don't (and never will know).  The best thing I did was hang out on middle school and high school websites.  It's not that you don't know it, it's just that for most people finding the area of a shaded section in an obtuse shape just doesn't come up in our daily lives.  (Those who know me often hear me vent about a similar issue in my Calculus I course, in which we spent 3 weeks finding the volume of a deflated inner tube...).  When you go to take the test in the little computer room, the worker will be fussy and basically want to strip search you.  And no matter what, you're still going to feel like you don't know enough.  And you can't, trust me.  One of the questions on mine was "What term refers to an Amish flower printed blanket?".  Not only did I not even have a clue what the answer was, but I was left thinking, where in life am I going that this is a deal breaking piece of knowledge??


                               

Anyway, your scores come back in the hundreds and most schools, if they even post a minimum only care about the total.  Many professors will admit they don't even take it into account.  Since the test is so pricey, the only way to make the system work for you is to have you list of potential schools ahead of time.  They'll let you send to so many for free during registration, but they charge you a hefty price after just to spite your indecision.

"It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value" Arthur C. Clarke

Introduction

Not surprisingly I am a graduate student.  In the midst of my second year as a PhD student actually.  A little nobody in the big world of academia as it were.  But more on that later.  I got the idea for this blog from a class and some students of mine.  In the class we were discussing how scientists, as an overgeneralized whole, do not use new media like they should.  There can be great potential.  It had also come to my attention that many of my students were curious about academia, grad school, and beyond.  I also had a student from another university (with the intent of communicating with my advisor) contact me with a flutter of questions.  In all cases, I'm happy to oblige but I found myself reminiscing on what I went through when I was at that stage.  Terrified, confused, and oh so painfully naive.  I began thinking that there are precious few places in which academics can really go to ask questions and relate to one another on what goes on beyond the lobby doors.  Given the potential (and perhaps my naive dreaming that many will read this) for other scientists to follow me, I thought it would be a fantastic way to express and communicate scientific ideas and concepts at a scale well beyond anything I can do from my office, on a regular day at least. So, those are my goals with this blog 1) Present real life experiences in a way that others can learn from or relate to 2) Present real science (whatever that means I guess) and hopefully discuss and communicate with the scientific community as a whole (regardless of where or where not you are in your career).

Now, for the nitty gritty pieces.  It behooves me to say that whatever I say in here, though true to my beliefs and experiences, is not necessarily true in all circumstances.  The first thing I would always remind you is that every person, every advisor, lab tech, undergrad, grad, mentor, and mentee is different and will thereby foster different relationships.  You're welcome to take my experiences as advice (as they apply of course) but the best advice I could give here is "Adaptive Management."  Adjust to your surroundings and be flexible in the way you deal with things.  More flexibility will give you more bounce after all.  The second thing I want to say is I will be taking this semi-anonymously.  By that I mean I will be referring to real people, and some with very real academic careers.  Therefore you will not find any real names or places in this blog.  This will allow me to be more honest about the situation without worrying about hurting someone else in the process.  I'll make up names (likely to fill my fantasy void of stereotypic behaviors...) and places (my lab is actually divided into video game realms afterall) but the events themselves will be quite real.  And lastly, be sure to comment and discuss!  I love to see what others think and will be happy to do a topic based on what people want (need?) to hear.  So be heard!

For the posts I do put up, be patient.  They're disorganization may kill me since it'll be a mixture of things I experience now and some back experiences (plenty of those) I will refer to.  The chronology will be miserable.  More reason to request topics than to sift through my insane flow of thought ya?

Now, onto the more personal and the more fun.  As I mentioned before, I'm a grad student.  A second year PhD student with a long way to go.  I completed a 2 year Master's under another advisor in a semi-related field.  And obviously I have my BS.  I'm one of those crazies that has went straight through from undergraduate (standard college, 2-4 years) to my MS and now into my PhD.  It's one of those good/bad things.  I'm a female in my mid-late 20s.  My modest stipend allows me a little 2 bedroom apartment where I hide with my 8 year old blue russian cat and my partner.  My partner makes a particularly interesting person to vent too since he's a teacher (math if you can believe the insanity) so he relates to and sees things in a very particular light.  More on him later, often and regularly I'm sure.

At my school a PhD student makes around $20,000 a year (for reference equivalent of a McDonald's worker and a little less than a good construction worker).  The school covers your tuition credits up to 9 credits (keeping in mind 6 is full time for a grad-we put in more credit hours for one credit and have to work a full job within the U on top of that) and half of your forced student health insurance (more on that travesty later...).  You cover the other half of your insurance and the student fees.  Oh and living, if you can manage the whole being human thing of course :)  .  If you're like me and have some painful back bills from moving halfway across the country and refuse to live in a hovel with slanted floors you probably will take out student loans too.  I usually get ~12-14,000 a year, which breaks down into about $5000 a semester that I actually see, most of which is gone in a month or two paying of bills I'm behind on and honestly from getting excited from having spending money and, well, spending it.  If you're smart (and not like me) you'll save up chunks of this all year long since you'll be a lucky ducky to get paid in the summer.  If you're like me you like ramen and phone calls to mom.  You do get other perks though.  The whole learning thing of course, and pretty much free reign in the library (access to all kinds of stuff that I don't even know why they HAVE, but is cool anyway).  Finding an apartment is much easier, landlords respond really well to grad students as we tend to be quieter, have fairly steady income, and will be around for a couple of years.  And it's true, I'm definitely too old to be throwing up liquor 3 times a week over a balcony or what have you.  Besides, if the grad school will give you free beer, no reason to binge on it, enjoy the freebies. I get to travel lots of places too.  With part of my job being a field scientist I get to go in the field.  Basically get paid to boat on a lake, spend time in a national park, and put up and experiment on a coastline beach.  You get to go places to present your material too, to conferences.  Some in other cities, some in other countries and if you're good your school will give you money to do it.  Not a bad gig if you ask me.  Grad students can get really good freebies from the U.  Food, beer, game nights, bar discounts, ask and you shall receive sometimes.  Other times, as a close friend of mine would say, you drink away your grad school stress alone in lawnchair and spend all night drunkenly knitting under a dead tree.  Meh, it's a give and take world.

Those are my basics and for now that seems like a good start since I have no idea what I'm doing.  I'll sign off this first post with my favorite dorky quote. "My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe." Stephen Hawking